Waddup y'all,
I was contemplating for some time whether I should put this poem up or not. Thinking, would people just label me weak? Call me "MR. SENSITIVE?!?!"
hahaa.. well that don't matter 2 me. I'ma just be real.
So on a reeaaaal deep note..
Alone Time
No one has ever seen what exists deep down in my soul
One cannot fathom the feelings of loneliness that make my thoughts dull
Feelings of hurt and being outcast mark my days daily
Causing an eternal cry for help, “Please Save Me”
There are certain things that I just cannot tell
Fear of rejection and separation I can foretell
I’d hate for you to see me so weak
So I lock myself in my place of solitude
And from time to time I weep
Tears of confusion and abandon permeate so deep
I wonder if I can ever escape out of this prison of confinement
And let go of these feelings of eternal lament
Constantly I yearn for somebody
To just hear me out
But for now it is just me
And no one else
11.22.2009
*AFTERNOTE! ...9.10.2010
CHECK IT OUT. FOUND GOD THE NITE OF NOVEMBER 27. 2009 @ SLAUGHTERHOUSE MINISTRIES. SAVED DURING WINTER BREAK. BAPTIZED 7.11.10. STRENGTHENING MY WALK NOW WITH EVERY STEP AS I REALIZE IT'S HIM UP ABOVE I NEED 2 BE WITH. SO THIS POEM I WROTE BACK IN NOVEMBER LAST YEAR WAS BEFORE I GOT SAVED. & SO I HAD NO ONE 2 REALLY LEAN ON B4 THAT TIME TO HEAR ME OUT FOREAL. SINCE I GOT SAVED, I'VE BEEN POURING OUT TO HIM EVER SINCE. TALKING BOUT MY STRUGGLES MY PAINS LOWS, ...TRIUMPHS, HIGHS AND BUILDING THAT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. I'VE BEEN ABLE 2 COME FORTH THRU TESTIMONY AND EXPUNGE THAT SPIRIT OF FEAR FROM WITHIN 2 A SPIRIT OF LOVE. & GOD LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM FOREAL. NOW THAT I'M FELLOWSHIPIN WITH GOD AND HAVE A CHURCH HOME AND A FAMILY IN THAT, I AM WALKING IN A NEW PURPOSE. I HAVE FAITH IN HIM HE IS ABLE- GOD CAN. HE SAVED ME TOOK ME FROM BEING LOST 2 HAVING A PURPOSE..TRUE INTENT OF HEART. & EVEN AS I FACE NEWER, AND UPDATED STRUGGLES AND DEVILS IN MY LIFE I KNO I CAN ALWAYS LOOK TO JESUS AS MY SAVIOR SO CHRIST UP! I WANT TO SPREAD THE NEWS ABOUT HIM. DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL ME SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT HIM. AMEN.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Gospel: One night i will never forget in LA
Last Friday night was one of those nights I will never forget. I was in LA for thanksgiving so of course, I was visiting the fam. I was able to kick it with my homie, Maurice, and Tara, Leah, and of course my brother 4 life, Allah, at 3rd street and Venice beach boardwalk- my two favorite places 2 be in LA.
My favorite bboys of 3rd street promenade. They do their own thing... dancing with passion- to express, entertain... n support themselves n their loved ones of course! lol
@ Venice Beach
Luvin' it...
So afterwards, me and Allah went over to Rob's place and kicked it there for a cool minute. Then it was me, Allah, Rob, Ra'shee, Jodie (Steez) on our way to church. We were bumpin "Melodies From Heaven" on our way over and having a good time singing and clapping along to the music. Then we were at our location: Slaughterhouse Ministries, a church in Compton- what one might call a "Ghetto Gospel". This was the first time I had been to church in about 8 years, nonetheless a gospel so I was especially excited about being there. I wanted to know what being religious and "loving God" was all about. hahaa. Let me explain. For most of my life, I had never been religious... but still believed in a lot of the things these different religions preached.
The car ride over... Steez, me, an Allah
What happened at the church I will ALWAYS keep in remembrance and close to my heart. We read testaments from the bible with the preachers doing active, improvisational interpretations of those sections on the spot. I was impressed by how much the preachers knew and understood the bible and how they were able to apply their own twist to it from their own experience. They were real with it- no gimmicks, no facade. Never were they reading just directly out of the book. They brought truth to the reading- interpretated the bible in a way everybody in the sermon could relate to.
We were also given a time where we could speak to everybody else in the room about anything we wished we needed to say- such as being thankful for being in this place or certain problems and tribulations we were dealt with. Everybody that spoke was REAL. Talked straight from the soul- speaking about their struggles, triumphs, and insight to this world. About 3/4 of us went up to share something- including my brother, Allah. I didn't go up myself. Perhaps I was too shy or just didn't have anything to say at the time- I don't remember. But i was just taken aback by all the stories that were told. The atmosphere that was created enabled everybody to connect together in a spiritual way and allow us to deal with our problems as a whole.
Then came the part where many of us stepped to the front. One by one, the preachers started coming up to us... placing their hands on our foreheads, looking deep into our soul, communicating our problems, and offering solutions/fixes. I was one of the first that the preachers consoled to. This particular experience I will never forget. Its like he knew everything about me. Everything he spoke to me about was right- all the problems I was having in my life at the time. I was touched. And I felt that this preacher could relate to and connect with my soul. The preachers went up to everybody else... of all ages... from teenagers to grown adults. I saw so many cry out tears of pain... acceptance... understanding... and ultimately, revelation. I saw so many bawling, screaming out, falling to the ground. These are people that I'd thought I'd never see cry, including some of my friends. This was all so emotional... and REAL. I will never forget this.
At the end, I was given the opportunity to be baptized. I was highly considering doing it, but it was just my first time at church and in the hands of God. These feelings that were running through my mind, body, and soul were all so overwhelming at the time. I'd have to go back to consider being baptized again. But for now, I am very appreciative of the fact that I was able to be in church. This was a true revelation for me. Perhaps one of the most important nights of my life.
I believe that through church, I gained a stronger connection to my friends, most especially to one of my best friends, Allah. He allowed me the experience to come up to this church- to open my heart and soul out to the world. To become vulnerable, yet immensely powerful in knowing that I am not alone. I have my people. I have my best friend. I have God. Me n Allah, we are both in this journey called Life together. Brothers.
The Fam... Brandyn, Rob, Ra'shee, Allah
Alrite, now on a final sketch...
Ghetto Gospel
It was my turn
The preacher directed his vision into my eyes
Into his own I could see a million stories unfold
Stories of pain, hurt, confusion, sorrow, loss
Stories that were both originally his own and
Stories that became his own from those lives he had touched
He paused for a moment’s time
Peering into my own soul
And an outpour of truth flooded out
He spoke
Spoke in a calm, collected way
Spoke of the conflicts, troubles in my life
Spoke of the two forces ripping me apart from both ends
The forces of what I want to do and what I should do
Spoke of family- disconnect, sorrow, loneliness
Spoke of reality and what I was given to dealt with
He placed both hands on my forehead
Pushing, pushing
Sharing with me his strength and confidence
His will
Immense feelings of relief and gratitude overwhelmed me
This was somebody I could trust
Somebody that understood the true nature of sorrow,
The trials and tribulations
Somebody that would help guide me spiritually
And enable me to reach a higher state of being
Somebody I have never met before
Yet could say a thousand words about me in an instant’s time
Someone that had left me vulnerable,
Yet consolable
Weak,
Yet mighty
Nothing kept shut in the darkness of Night
Strength depicted through the truth of eternal Light
12.2.2009
My favorite bboys of 3rd street promenade. They do their own thing... dancing with passion- to express, entertain... n support themselves n their loved ones of course! lol
@ Venice Beach
Luvin' it...
So afterwards, me and Allah went over to Rob's place and kicked it there for a cool minute. Then it was me, Allah, Rob, Ra'shee, Jodie (Steez) on our way to church. We were bumpin "Melodies From Heaven" on our way over and having a good time singing and clapping along to the music. Then we were at our location: Slaughterhouse Ministries, a church in Compton- what one might call a "Ghetto Gospel". This was the first time I had been to church in about 8 years, nonetheless a gospel so I was especially excited about being there. I wanted to know what being religious and "loving God" was all about. hahaa. Let me explain. For most of my life, I had never been religious... but still believed in a lot of the things these different religions preached.
The car ride over... Steez, me, an Allah
What happened at the church I will ALWAYS keep in remembrance and close to my heart. We read testaments from the bible with the preachers doing active, improvisational interpretations of those sections on the spot. I was impressed by how much the preachers knew and understood the bible and how they were able to apply their own twist to it from their own experience. They were real with it- no gimmicks, no facade. Never were they reading just directly out of the book. They brought truth to the reading- interpretated the bible in a way everybody in the sermon could relate to.
We were also given a time where we could speak to everybody else in the room about anything we wished we needed to say- such as being thankful for being in this place or certain problems and tribulations we were dealt with. Everybody that spoke was REAL. Talked straight from the soul- speaking about their struggles, triumphs, and insight to this world. About 3/4 of us went up to share something- including my brother, Allah. I didn't go up myself. Perhaps I was too shy or just didn't have anything to say at the time- I don't remember. But i was just taken aback by all the stories that were told. The atmosphere that was created enabled everybody to connect together in a spiritual way and allow us to deal with our problems as a whole.
Then came the part where many of us stepped to the front. One by one, the preachers started coming up to us... placing their hands on our foreheads, looking deep into our soul, communicating our problems, and offering solutions/fixes. I was one of the first that the preachers consoled to. This particular experience I will never forget. Its like he knew everything about me. Everything he spoke to me about was right- all the problems I was having in my life at the time. I was touched. And I felt that this preacher could relate to and connect with my soul. The preachers went up to everybody else... of all ages... from teenagers to grown adults. I saw so many cry out tears of pain... acceptance... understanding... and ultimately, revelation. I saw so many bawling, screaming out, falling to the ground. These are people that I'd thought I'd never see cry, including some of my friends. This was all so emotional... and REAL. I will never forget this.
At the end, I was given the opportunity to be baptized. I was highly considering doing it, but it was just my first time at church and in the hands of God. These feelings that were running through my mind, body, and soul were all so overwhelming at the time. I'd have to go back to consider being baptized again. But for now, I am very appreciative of the fact that I was able to be in church. This was a true revelation for me. Perhaps one of the most important nights of my life.
I believe that through church, I gained a stronger connection to my friends, most especially to one of my best friends, Allah. He allowed me the experience to come up to this church- to open my heart and soul out to the world. To become vulnerable, yet immensely powerful in knowing that I am not alone. I have my people. I have my best friend. I have God. Me n Allah, we are both in this journey called Life together. Brothers.
The Fam... Brandyn, Rob, Ra'shee, Allah
Alrite, now on a final sketch...
Ghetto Gospel
It was my turn
The preacher directed his vision into my eyes
Into his own I could see a million stories unfold
Stories of pain, hurt, confusion, sorrow, loss
Stories that were both originally his own and
Stories that became his own from those lives he had touched
He paused for a moment’s time
Peering into my own soul
And an outpour of truth flooded out
He spoke
Spoke in a calm, collected way
Spoke of the conflicts, troubles in my life
Spoke of the two forces ripping me apart from both ends
The forces of what I want to do and what I should do
Spoke of family- disconnect, sorrow, loneliness
Spoke of reality and what I was given to dealt with
He placed both hands on my forehead
Pushing, pushing
Sharing with me his strength and confidence
His will
Immense feelings of relief and gratitude overwhelmed me
This was somebody I could trust
Somebody that understood the true nature of sorrow,
The trials and tribulations
Somebody that would help guide me spiritually
And enable me to reach a higher state of being
Somebody I have never met before
Yet could say a thousand words about me in an instant’s time
Someone that had left me vulnerable,
Yet consolable
Weak,
Yet mighty
Nothing kept shut in the darkness of Night
Strength depicted through the truth of eternal Light
12.2.2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
My first music video: Dream America in Context!
Hey y'all,
Thought I'd show you what I had been working tirelessly over for the past week. It's a music video to the song "I have a Dream" by Common ft. Will.I.Am. This is something I did for my English 131 class, visually communicating my concept of what my Dream America is in the context of reality.
Enjoy. Please don't hesitate to leave me feedback! Positive or negative, I will build off of it. =]
-Mike
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Misfits n Outkasts...
So, I decided to get a lil deep in this one poem rite here. This is for all those who understand what it is to feel like the "outkast".
Enjoy!
Insecurity
When you R insecure n afraid
The teacher asks a question n you keep your hands tucked
You try to say something but the fear is deafening
When you have no one on your side, you R unsure
Most times you find you gotta change what you have to say
Re-write the content, the structure, and the lines in between
Possible conversations turn into bawled up letters
Poems re-written, tossed, and NEVER shown to others
You try to be- but you can’t
For fear of what is real to you is just weird to others
You can’t find a common ground with those around you
So you choose to escape in the depths of your own world and inner solitude
& the problem in this situation is that with going solo
Is that your confidence is projected at a constant all-time low
In this world where it seems that no one can quite understand you
Where it is hard to find anybody like you who you can relate 2
You try to escape
But the backdoor isn’t there
…
Use the frontdoor.
11.22.2009
Enjoy!
Insecurity
When you R insecure n afraid
The teacher asks a question n you keep your hands tucked
You try to say something but the fear is deafening
When you have no one on your side, you R unsure
Most times you find you gotta change what you have to say
Re-write the content, the structure, and the lines in between
Possible conversations turn into bawled up letters
Poems re-written, tossed, and NEVER shown to others
You try to be- but you can’t
For fear of what is real to you is just weird to others
You can’t find a common ground with those around you
So you choose to escape in the depths of your own world and inner solitude
& the problem in this situation is that with going solo
Is that your confidence is projected at a constant all-time low
In this world where it seems that no one can quite understand you
Where it is hard to find anybody like you who you can relate 2
You try to escape
But the backdoor isn’t there
…
Use the frontdoor.
11.22.2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Theme for English 131
Hey y'all,
The following is a poem I wrote for my English class. It is a spin-off of the Langston Hughes Poem "Theme for English B."
Theme for English 131
I grew up as a “Ball of Confusion” (The Temptations)
Confused by the words spoken by the “He Say, She Say” (Lupe Fiasco)
You say WHAT about me?
I am just trying to get my own- understand life
But I don’t understand the criticism
Maybe you should just leave me alone and do your own
To have a dream- do you know what that means?
Sometimes “I WONDER if you know what it means to find your dreams come true” (Kanye West)
To fight and hold on to one thing- in the slight chance that tomorrow will be a better day
Filled with a little bit more laughter, a little more metaphorical sunshine on the gloomy day
But when I hear criticism about being DIFFERENT- about me, we, her, him, they
About belonging to this, dressing like that, doing that instead of this,
I find it easy to throw it into disregard.
Just let me be.
I’ve come to understand the man who once said “Ignorance is Bliss”
Yet there is this insatiable feeling to correct the ills
Before you shut down more dreams and drain the positivity of those around you
Ignorant I am not. Turn my head I do not. Change what I like to do I will not.
I like reading…about many things
I like watching movies-Perspective
I like giving big hugs-Love all around
I like listening to music- all genres
I like kicking it with all kinds of people that possess positive intentions likewise
And,
I do not enjoy the negative energy you bring
I do not enjoy the two cents you have to offer about doing it your way or the highway,
Forcing me to think in your terms
I do not care to judge on what’s wrong
But to focus on what’s right
Bring me what’s light!
But with regards to the existence of the uncalled type of criticism- maybe that’s just the way it is
People constantly blasting others on their flaws- most times out of insecurity
& I won’t say that I haven’t done it too
But I am merely advocating you to undo
This scrutiny and cold-blooded name bashing, words clashing,
Literal and metaphorical fists thrashing, uniqueness rationing
And I am just like so many of my peers who have dealt with the same
Who 2 exhibit this yearning for freedom of EXPRESSION
Without judgment and thought’s recession
A society where people are valued by the beauty of their mind- positive intentions
Now all I am asking you is to let me be. LET ME BE.
You do you and I do me.
The following is a poem I wrote for my English class. It is a spin-off of the Langston Hughes Poem "Theme for English B."
Theme for English 131
I grew up as a “Ball of Confusion” (The Temptations)
Confused by the words spoken by the “He Say, She Say” (Lupe Fiasco)
You say WHAT about me?
I am just trying to get my own- understand life
But I don’t understand the criticism
Maybe you should just leave me alone and do your own
To have a dream- do you know what that means?
Sometimes “I WONDER if you know what it means to find your dreams come true” (Kanye West)
To fight and hold on to one thing- in the slight chance that tomorrow will be a better day
Filled with a little bit more laughter, a little more metaphorical sunshine on the gloomy day
But when I hear criticism about being DIFFERENT- about me, we, her, him, they
About belonging to this, dressing like that, doing that instead of this,
I find it easy to throw it into disregard.
Just let me be.
I’ve come to understand the man who once said “Ignorance is Bliss”
Yet there is this insatiable feeling to correct the ills
Before you shut down more dreams and drain the positivity of those around you
Ignorant I am not. Turn my head I do not. Change what I like to do I will not.
I like reading…about many things
I like watching movies-Perspective
I like giving big hugs-Love all around
I like listening to music- all genres
I like kicking it with all kinds of people that possess positive intentions likewise
And,
I do not enjoy the negative energy you bring
I do not enjoy the two cents you have to offer about doing it your way or the highway,
Forcing me to think in your terms
I do not care to judge on what’s wrong
But to focus on what’s right
Bring me what’s light!
But with regards to the existence of the uncalled type of criticism- maybe that’s just the way it is
People constantly blasting others on their flaws- most times out of insecurity
& I won’t say that I haven’t done it too
But I am merely advocating you to undo
This scrutiny and cold-blooded name bashing, words clashing,
Literal and metaphorical fists thrashing, uniqueness rationing
And I am just like so many of my peers who have dealt with the same
Who 2 exhibit this yearning for freedom of EXPRESSION
Without judgment and thought’s recession
A society where people are valued by the beauty of their mind- positive intentions
Now all I am asking you is to let me be. LET ME BE.
You do you and I do me.
Starry, Starry Night
Wadup y'all,
this is a quick write I wrote while waiting at the airport. In reference to the great Vincent Van Gogh...
Starry, Starry Night
You look at the star-lit sky
A million suns off in the distance, a thousand-fold
And for a moment you forget that you’re still on Earth
You find yourself walking on the moon in the midst of your dreams
Your fears, hurt, confusion is lost in the darkness
Your dreams, triumphs, and hope is lit up by the capacity of your ambitions
Someone else is looking up at the same picture of revelation
You are Not Alone.
11.25.2009
this is a quick write I wrote while waiting at the airport. In reference to the great Vincent Van Gogh...
Starry, Starry Night
You look at the star-lit sky
A million suns off in the distance, a thousand-fold
And for a moment you forget that you’re still on Earth
You find yourself walking on the moon in the midst of your dreams
Your fears, hurt, confusion is lost in the darkness
Your dreams, triumphs, and hope is lit up by the capacity of your ambitions
Someone else is looking up at the same picture of revelation
You are Not Alone.
11.25.2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Future Love
I know I cannot satisfy you completely
However, I know I can offer you nurturing repeatedly
On a level profound
With all the trust, care, compassion I have found
That has become a part of me
As I see
The daily hurt and the struggle and the lows
I know the value of good loving in high dose
I will stand by you
Offer a companionship that is true
And uplift your heart to a new height
Allow you to love in eternal light
And though I have not met you yet
I am forever living in a life of revelation
To reach new levels of elevation
In spirit, adventure, and love’s survival
Bettering my existence for your arrival
I know I will meet you someday
And until that one day
I will dream of and imagine your existence
And what you are writing in your own book of love’s persistence
However, I know I can offer you nurturing repeatedly
On a level profound
With all the trust, care, compassion I have found
That has become a part of me
As I see
The daily hurt and the struggle and the lows
I know the value of good loving in high dose
I will stand by you
Offer a companionship that is true
And uplift your heart to a new height
Allow you to love in eternal light
And though I have not met you yet
I am forever living in a life of revelation
To reach new levels of elevation
In spirit, adventure, and love’s survival
Bettering my existence for your arrival
I know I will meet you someday
And until that one day
I will dream of and imagine your existence
And what you are writing in your own book of love’s persistence
11.7.2009
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