Here's what I wrote in response to a question on a camp Job application (lol). WEll, Here it is: The Big Picture
Much of my Life caught up as a stone in the gravel
My toes dug in and I was locked in place, No place, No place 4 my Soul 2 Travel
Had a voice but it was trapped
Locked up like the Ship in a bottle of the Youth of My Expression Tree sapped
Had a Dream but it was compromised
To trying to fit in, look good, and please the World's Eyes
What was my identity?
Amidst of all the clutter of the world tried to pour into me
I was just bit of gravel in the sand
But God had said Look Up- I urge & Demand
And as I tilt my Vision my Lens shifts
Focus to Expanse of My Soul Advance
Deep, Blue Calmness
Mountains, Large with Boldness
A Sky of a painter's pallet of many Colors
Mixing in with the Smoothness & story of Each & Others
A tide of Rhythm and Rhyme and Time with the Effect
of making Smooth the Rock so my Soul Connect
Hearing nothing but seeing Peace
& Seeing nothing but hearing Peace without Cease
So I look up, & Yes here it is, the Big Picture
Created by none other than He, Our Rock Redeemer, & Creator
So the stone of doubt I am
A child picks me up just as the Lamb
Skips me across the Ocean's Vast
2 the Deep Beauty of Life My Fears are Let Go Fast
My Soul is ever glad to be made anew
A part of this Art is my Heart so is my pain bid a due
To let go of my sorrow and strife
Yes,
This poem is untitled, just a spit off of wat 2 me the world spit ontop of me
The split of the clutter of this world that binds like a chokehold, so I must escape 2 gravitate 2 satiate this Spiritual Hunger inside of me
Never fully understood that the computer, TV, and mr. mrs. Rockstar wannabe prohibited me from seeing me and what I was called to be
Had no team, low-self esteem, a dwelling place in the world that didn’t speak for my dream
I tried this and tried that, but never fully satisfied
Worst thing was that I would cry aloud but no one heard me- the music was too loud
Kept my mouth shut not for fear that they would shut me down, but that they would Notice me
No place, a shame and disgrace, in this world lost and confused, felt no grace
Misplaced hate, what was the purpose of this fate?
On the outside it looked fine, but on the inside I was broke and every good thing inside me confined.
Made to be different, made to be patient
Made to be humble, made to be open
Made not for me, but for God’s glory so that the world can see
How he can bring you out, oh you of solid concrete formation Heart
And it all starts with this one seed, God waters it and watch it grow above the pot-holed fill of shaky weight you call Religion
He can fix any situation, you just gotta let the world go
And I can only tell u and show u bout his everlasting Love which surpasses all law,
Its up 2 you if you wanna live it out and see for yourself
You can see what he’s done for me
More importantly I wanna see what he will do for you
I am running through these open fields without a look back
What’s done is past I’m looking forward knowing God’s got my back
Like a river traversing and flowing through new land I am creating my own path
Like an eagle I fly alone but always seeking new heights- never putting my ambitions last
I am broken, yet soaking in this newfound life
Embracing both warmth and cold; this truth that cuts me open like a double-edged knife
Though my steps are sometimes heavy I know you have always been there & continue to be
For there is morning after the night
There is healing after the fight
There is eternal truth within the light
Eases me & lets me know everything is alright
I love you because you are patient
I love you because you are kind
I love you because you are sweet
I love you because from this tree comes the fruit in which I can continually eat
You are the reason why I sing, why I dance, why I worship, why I am still living when I could have been gone long ago!
So I keep my head Up
Knowing that I should always pray Up
Knowing that the Kingdom’s the Destination
And the truth will guide me through Eternal Revelation
I will never stop loving you!
For I have learned your love is one that is always true
Through the storm & the calm the pruned tree will continue to bear its fruit
I have found REAL HAPPINESS at its root
So Devil you can’t steal my joy
Sustained by God continuously Christian Saints, we prosper
As this vase is filled with those blessings, those commandments that shall always foster
This newfound love I have for God up above
And I never want to leave his presence but to prune and grow through this Abundant LOVE.
I've been back in LA now for about a minute and a 1/2. Before I left Seattle (I go 2 skool there), everybody was asking what are u gonna do? what are u gonna do? And I told them every time I'm goin 2 Church- where i can get help at, where I can get the word in, where I just feel accepted and comfortable at.
Yes..the SLAUGHTERHOUSE MINISTRIES... I just wanna say Thank you God bc Ive found my spiritual family. It's just been 6 months since I got saved by the church back in January. And just last Friday (6.11.10) I got baptized! It's been a blessing and I feel the Holy Spirit upon me- a soft, tender spot in my chest- yoo...it's been pulling on me ever since... & I have been able to take Krumpin to a whole other level. and not just dancing but everything as a matter of fact. Like there is no longer static when I am tuning in2 the holy spirit. Feel me? Now The best thing about church is that it is not just a building. We ARE the church and we uphold it everywhere we go with iron fists and a sharp double-edged sword. It's never just in the Nehemaiah Church building we praise dance/sing, pray, minister, and show that unconditional love 4 for each other, but EVERY WHERE WE GO! and so I've been kicken it with the fam everyday ever since I got here and its been just one great big adventure filling ourselves up with the word of God and going all around the city applying it. Men of God- so many missions, and a lotta fun 2. These are the good times and I feel completely blessed to with the slaughterhouse Fam. I always have my brothers and the word of God to lift me back up and regain and strengthen my composure whenever I fall down or feel heavy...2 nite for example. Thank you Hezekiah my brotha in Christ!
It's late so ima bout to go outro, but I'm just excited for 2moro that I'm gonna be at it again with the fam. Slayer (my pastor/mentor) told me 2 be like a desperate man hungry 4 the word, so I'm directing my vision and focus towards getting the word in and becoming closer 2 mr. G-O-D. I only have 9 more days in LA. Gotta get it in, I am hungry, Gotta get it in.
Much Love to whoever is reading this. lol..Stay Up!
& Unconditional like looking straight into those eyes,
And saying without words, Baby, I love you, no false gimmicks and no mistrusted lies
Strengthened ties, as the true intentions of Heart drew us near,
We learned there was no longer anything to fear
I testify that in being with you, there was nothing to hide
You took me for who I was,
And for that the journey never died
Love was day in and day out,
But never played out
See, you and me was a “WE,”
And the love was mob deep,
Further then just any ONE can see
Love
Beautified through Life’s rhythm and rhyme,
Strengthened and renewed through the seasons of time
Tested through those times of cold winter snow and hail
Broken and dropped like the fall of autumn leaves frail
And picked up, blossomed through spring showers,
With fresh scents of renewal giving off these strange powers
Endured, cherished, and peaking at summer’s warmth here on till thereafter
Clear skies, SUN SHINING, paradise
Purple Rain burning up on the surface of love’s reminiscence and forever-after
This story was timeless, destined to continue till the morrows of to infinity and beyond the comprehension of a bystander observing from a point where there simply is no justice in context of truth and its all too often obscured light.
…The fact of the matter is that this thing we had was beautiful in all contexts and extremities to you and sincerely yours, I, myself who once wished upon a star to attain something as grand as this. But the circumstances had changed. Your light was lost, stolen somewhere in the midst of night. And solitude I tried to fight, praying that you just might come back to me- To heal my lonely sight.
…
A battle I fought for what seemed like an eternity.
Because time slows as the pendulum is at a loss for energy
Bawled up letters, crossed out poems,
A halt for the progress of wonder and adventure,
Both lost to the tides of affectionate surrender.
It is thou who I have put mine life on hold for.
Yet my heart lies like a broken mirror on the ground scattered to a million pieces,
Reflections of abuse and ignorance shown on my heart in permanent creases
& What was I to do?
A storm unrelenting of bittersweet, mixed, and flooded feelings, decisions, thoughts, and emotions,
To I, and to anyone sane, all overly whelming.
A was telling me to quit.
B was telling me 2 merely wait for the second coming of your arrival.
C was saying No, you must fight for love’s survival.
B overpowered A, but C ousted B and was pronounced Greatest.
I step outside…
And the rain comes pouring down on me- heavy tear drops pulsating on my chest. I run around in it for a while. Lost in the midst of my despair, frustrations, and ANGER. I collapse to the floor- splatter the evidence- an outpouring of immense out crying; bursts of accumulated emotion scatter a million fold all around my body, my entity, my being, my soul.
And under the rain I laid for a while on the ground, down
The storm eventually calmed, letting my feelings drown
Light Raindrops fell down upon me gracefully, and what was upon me was truly Love’s crown,
For I swear I saw the seasons change,
A metaphorical change of gloom to the bloom to the BOOM of reminiscence!
Charged down upon my body, my being
For in those drops’ reflections it was a certain past love I was seeing
But in the final ultimatum overwhelmingly uplifting change that I was foreseeing
The sun came out and I knew not to wait any longer
Got up and walked away with a perception fonder and in yonder,
I know I will never see you again
But placed within me is the will to start a new chapter in my life and so I could begin
This new journey of empty moments and feelings for affection I will fill in
And to this day I hold you in sweet remembrance
The omega of my life that showed me the beauty of all four seasons
Ultimately the abundance of love’s boundless, timeless reasons
And in the daily reminders of this revelation,
My spirit is left soaring at sky-scraping elevation
Because contained within me is the Love after the Storm
